I workout before meeting with my therapist because quite frankly my insurance company isn\u2019t paying for me to cry so hard I can\u2019t talk for an hour…which is what happened the one time I didn’t exercise before I stepped into her office.\u00a0 Exercise has always been my second favorite form of therapy (a close second to the tied leaders of drinking beer with my husband and walking my dog). I had been in a bit of an exercise rut at the beginning of the summer and haven\u2019t been in a place where I could comfortably run for a few years so when the opportunity presented itself for me to join an 8 week run club through FIT4MOM, I laced up my shoes and gave it my best. The week I started running again was also the week I started therapy. This wasn’t a coincidence so much as for once in my life I actually had my shit together.\u00a0 I’ve since discovered that therapy and running go so seamlessly together for me that it made absolute sense that the universe would put these two things in front of me when I so desperately needed them.<\/p>\n
My initial running sessions in the 8 week program were awful. It was in the 90’s. The humidity was brutal and I never realized how hilly my neighborhood was (I do not live in the rolling foothills, but instead on the great plains, but I swear my neighborhood has the same topography as Nepal the second my feet start to move faster than the pace of a slow stroll or as I learned this week my daughter is on her bike when I’m not paying attention which side note, was so terrifying my watch registered that as almost 10 minutes of sustained cardio). During those first weeks there were times I had to put the baby monitor in my pocket and run up and down my cul-de-sac to check that box for my daily run, but I was incredibly proud that I checked every single box on the workout plan regardless of the heat, rain, or toddler that tried their best to thwart me.\u00a0 When the program ended, much to my surprise, I decided to keep running. The next step for me was to complete an 8 week training plan for a 10k. I ordered custom orthotics, laced up my shoes, and started tackling each box on the training plan. The difference between the first 8 weeks and the second 8 weeks has been remarkable. I can actually breathe during these runs because the humidity and temperature is back around something less like hell and more like heaven. And that\u2019s the only way I could describe my Thursday morning run last week. It felt like heaven.<\/p>\n
Since I needed to get my cry run in before I met with my therapist, I hit the trail down the street from her office.\u00a0 This happens to be the same trail that I used to take my best buddy on walks at when I was working full-time and needed to step away from my desk before I smashed my head through my computer screen. It was a safe place for me to collect my thoughts, take a peaceful walk, and enjoy just being with my pup in what can only be described as her happy place. That pup is an old gal now and can’t go on long walks with me anymore and that very fact was going to be the basis for starting the tears during this cry run…but then something weird happened, as I started in on the first few steps and waited to start crying, the Pandora gods intervened and for the next two and a half miles played the most perfect playlist of songs that made me smile, sing out loud, snap my fingers, and kept me going without any snot running down my face from ugly crying.<\/p>\n
At one point, during the soul saving private musical festival I was taking part in, I yelled, “Oh come on! I need to cry!” before I did a little look over my shoulder to make sure no one was behind me on the trail and did a little dance for a few steps as Beast of Burden started to play.\u00a0 If I’ve learned anything over these months of getting back into running and taking part in therapy it’s that sometimes what speaks to your soul is simple and sometimes you have to work very hard to be mindful in seeking it out. Some days an algorithm on a streaming music service does it for you. Some days it’s incredibly difficult and it can feel like a downright impossible task. So just as I’ve taken to focusing on how I can improve my running abilities, I’ve also taken to focusing on how I can improve my ability to manage the things that make me anxious and how I let them impact me day to day.<\/p>\n
So thank you, Brett Dennen, Michael Franti, Eric Hutchinson, and the rest of the musicians that kept me going that morning. But mostly thank you to Pandora for not playing a random Dave Matthews Band or John Mayer song on my run, because no matter how many thumbs down I give those two, some days Pandora speaks to my soul, and some days I say out out loud on the dreadmill at the crowded gym, “If you play one more John Mayer song I will lose my shit.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I workout before meeting with my therapist because quite frankly my insurance company isn\u2019t paying for me to cry so hard I can\u2019t talk for an hour…which is what happened the one time I didn’t exercise before I stepped into her office.\u00a0 Exercise has always been my second favorite form of therapy (a close second…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":60,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/hh-pic.jpg?fit=3735%2C2101&ssl=1","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9th7P-X","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":32,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=32","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":0},"title":"Reluctantly My One and Only","date":"April 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I had big plans for my daughter and her sister. Our family of four would section hike the Appalachian Trail every year, culminating at the summit of Mount Katadhin the summer before my oldest left for college; my girls would backpack through Europe together as they got older, and my\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/DSC_0903-Edit-2.jpg?fit=1200%2C798&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":103,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=103","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":1},"title":"Chapter 1","date":"January 21, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Just kidding. I didn't start writing a book, but I have done a lot of thinking about writing lately. I've thought\u00a0about how I love\u00a0to laugh about the absurdity of life and then share those stories with others. I've thought about how people don't love that I swear when I write\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":86,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=86","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":2},"title":"Full blown","date":"March 7, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"This is the face of a woman in the middle of a full blown panic attack. I haven\u2019t had one in a really long time but tonight out of left field I lost the daily struggle to keep the crazy in check. My kid was sweet today, my husband was\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 1 comment","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/7DFA798E-AB64-4903-9497-9EC85CC63AAC.jpeg?fit=902%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":54,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=54","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":3},"title":"And then the tears came...","date":"August 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I once had to drop my niece off at school. We were halfway down the block when she let me know she wasn't wearing shoes. When we arrived at her school (with her shoes now on thank you very much), I was thrown into the savage world of school drop\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/First-day-of-school-e1535421460484.jpg?fit=353%2C500&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":74,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=74","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":4},"title":"Helpful Hot Mess Mom Hacks","date":"November 13, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I can\u2019t physically or mentally follow a linear path whether that be in cleaning my house, trying to buy healthy foods without bankrupting our retirement at the grocery store, or doing math. It also means that my husband and child operate under that same chaotic methodology. Kevin hates it.\u00a0 While\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/00AB73B9-0F0B-4FBF-9A91-35BB3F9E7D66.jpeg?fit=967%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":45,"url":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/?p=45","url_meta":{"origin":59,"position":5},"title":"The Night Before Preschool","date":"August 26, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"As a mom, I think I\u2019m supposed to be sad about my little girl being big enough to start preschool. I\u2019ve read post after post after post lamenting the fact that children are headed back to school over the last few weeks. So now I\u2019m questioning if I\u2019m supposed to\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 4 comments","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/Ellie-Reading-BandW.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=59"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":65,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59\/revisions\/65"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/60"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=59"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=59"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hypotheticallyhappy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=59"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}